Cibbuano
Mr Nice Guy
AhmedA Fat Day - Shlurred Wordsh
October 17th 2006 04:02
One of the new Orble writers, Questionable Content, isn't going to pull any punches - his latest post explains how he treated a girl he met over the internet with little civility.
We could look at him with despicableness, and tsk-tsk-tsk as we turn our backs on his sallow, suken face.
But what separates him from the rest of us? He's told his story - we're all hiding ours.
After all, we are a contemptible species, fixated on beauty and the pursuit of pleasure. We've all done something similar... at least, we all would, if we had the chance to, free from speculation and judgement.
Me, I can't claim innocence... I've stopped calling girls because I wasn't interested. I've not returned calls because of semantics:
"Hi Cibby, I had fun the other night. Well, sorry for not calling you sooner, but I've been really, like really, busy.
(pause)
Well, give me a call sometime...if you wanna..."
Aha!, I thought, I don't want to, so I don't have to return that call.
In retrospect, perhaps I should have disrobed her and licked maple syrup off her thighs... but, like Questionable Content, I was shallow enough to lose all interest in her because she wasn't pretty enough for me.
Mr. Content goes even further:
"She came to the door, and I plastered a smile on. She was having a fat day, alright. As I’ve said before, I’m no prize catch, and back then certainly no gym-honed specimen (ha!). She wasn’t enormous, but chubby would do. Cute face, but that was no saviour at this point.
“I feel so bloated,” she said. “Let’s go somewhere and cool off.”"
My advice for girls that go on first dates: don't mention your bloatedness. The word, 'bloated', brings to the mind the image of rotting whale carcasses or inflated pig bladders.
My advice for guys trolling for dates on the internet: if you're a shallow jackass, do everyone a favour and get a recent full body shot before you sugget hooking up.
We could look at him with despicableness, and tsk-tsk-tsk as we turn our backs on his sallow, suken face.
But what separates him from the rest of us? He's told his story - we're all hiding ours.
After all, we are a contemptible species, fixated on beauty and the pursuit of pleasure. We've all done something similar... at least, we all would, if we had the chance to, free from speculation and judgement.
Me, I can't claim innocence... I've stopped calling girls because I wasn't interested. I've not returned calls because of semantics:
"Hi Cibby, I had fun the other night. Well, sorry for not calling you sooner, but I've been really, like really, busy.
(pause)
Well, give me a call sometime...if you wanna..."
Aha!, I thought, I don't want to, so I don't have to return that call.
In retrospect, perhaps I should have disrobed her and licked maple syrup off her thighs... but, like Questionable Content, I was shallow enough to lose all interest in her because she wasn't pretty enough for me.
Mr. Content goes even further:
"She came to the door, and I plastered a smile on. She was having a fat day, alright. As I’ve said before, I’m no prize catch, and back then certainly no gym-honed specimen (ha!). She wasn’t enormous, but chubby would do. Cute face, but that was no saviour at this point.
“I feel so bloated,” she said. “Let’s go somewhere and cool off.”"
My advice for girls that go on first dates: don't mention your bloatedness. The word, 'bloated', brings to the mind the image of rotting whale carcasses or inflated pig bladders.
My advice for guys trolling for dates on the internet: if you're a shallow jackass, do everyone a favour and get a recent full body shot before you sugget hooking up.
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Comment by Questionable Content
For those wondering what it's like to have the questionable honour of Orble's Post of the Day bestowed upon them, it's quite the thrill.
For starters, I wondered why such a mediocre piece of writing garnered so much attention within its first 21 minutes. Then a friend linked me to this post and the rest, they say, is history.
For the record, that was a good two years ago, and personally, I've changed a bit since then.
I'm now taller.
And who's a jackass? Only my grandmother calls me that.
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
It'd be easy to link to the most popular posts on the Post of the Day, but I try and spread the love around... I want to introduce some of the newer bloggers to the Orble community.. hopefully, it'll give you a little traffic!
Comment by Sisi
almost everyone feels the need to date someone they're attracted to physically, that's human nature!
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Sisi
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
~Lily
Comment by Questionable Content
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
now what if i was to be a bit thick?
around the middle (just learnt that expression recently); would that be ok? would i pass? lol
I could have gappy teeth for all you kow.. don't worry, i'm teasing and not in the flirty way... just the i've already been drinking kinda way sorta lol
~Lily